Abandon hope all ye who enter here

[colonelcrotchgrab]

I'll teach you a lesson
That you won't forget
Why don't you save your breath
'Cause I'm gonna love ya' to death

(2 Soviets, 1 Apartment. Do you look in?)


((Art from Lora.))

Comments

April 17th - Trouble with Tribbles

[majorcrotchgrab]

[It's a beautiful morning... and Raikov, who was pressed against his giant, slowly rolls over to his other side and is greeted with a fuzzy pillow. Everything's fine until after a few minutes of laying there, enjoying the soothing coos of his new pillow that he realizes something is wrong]

...

[He opens his eyes and stares at the fluffball next to his head. Raikov gently grabs it which causes it to squeak but then continues purring]

... Yevgeny...

oh noes

[colonelcrotchgrab]

[Those coos were odd, indeed. Even more so, it should have bothered Volgin that he was the second one awake with all these... things surrounding the both of them.

Volgin sat up.]

Ivan?

[The furry balls were not quite registering. Not yet. He blinked.]

Do we have animals?

[majorcrotchgrab]

I don't... know?

[Raikov sat up as well, squeezing and inspecting the fuzzball. That's pretty much all it was... a fuzzball. It continues to coo though]

[colonelcrotchgrab]

[Volgin turned his dangerous gaze on one of the fuzzy things, scooping it up and experimentally squeezing it. Which, he would have anyway, until a hissing noise drew him back, something like this.

He slapped it away. And the rest of the things.]

[majorcrotchgrab]

[That was an odd sound from the fluffball.. and.. Raikov noticed something]

Wasn't there just one before...?

[colonelcrotchgrab]

No.

[A look.]

I... see... eleven of them.

[majorcrotchgrab]

...

[Raikov rubs his eyes and by the time he's done, there's a few more.]

....

They're multiplying.

[colonelcrotchgrab]

[Yeah, Volgin could see that much. He might have been doing a double take, flashing Raikov a worried look before catching himself from sitting there and gawking more, the bed shaking and creaking as he got up.

He started to gather the balls into a pile, ignoring them as they hissed and squealed in protest.]

Help me... ...

Hn.

Throw them out the window, or something.

[majorcrotchgrab]

[He looked at the fuzzballs, frowning slightly at the suggestion]

Do you think it'll hurt them?

[colonelcrotchgrab]

[Volgin puffed.]

It's a furball. I doubt they feel any- [That one screamed pretty loud at his touch.] -anything.

What's a few stories?

[majorcrotchgrab]

But they're purring at me...

[colonelcrotchgrab]

[Volgin shook his head, taking an armful of the cacophonous things shrieking a painful discord and heading to the window. He started to open it.]

Tigers purr too, Ivan. Right before they tear you to shreds and eat you.

[majorcrotchgrab]

[Raikov looked down at the one on his lap]

... But they're just... furballs.

[colonelcrotchgrab]

[Volgin reached over and scooped that one up into his pile too in passing.]

Why keep th- [Sniff.] Keep them around?

[majorcrotchgrab]

... Because I feel calm with them around.

[Raikov attempts to scoop it back]

[colonelcrotchgrab]

[Nope. Volgin snucks back a load of building fluid in his nose.]

There are lots of other things that can achieve the same effect.

[As Volgin shoves his armful out the window, it starts to rain hairballs down below.]

[majorcrotchgrab]

But this is like... instant.

[Fine. He picks up another he found on the floor]

[colonelcrotchgrab]

[With that armful discarded out the window, Volgin headed right over to snatch that one out of Raikov's hand too.]

A dog, Ivan.

...

A ... dog.

[There is a carpet of the damned things starting to seep out from the bathroom.]

[majorcrotchgrab]

[stop stealing my fuzball, yevgeny]

... But...

[colonelcrotchgrab]

[they make me sneeze, ivan]

...

Dogs. [He's making a sound at the flood pushing into the bedroom, his gaze transfixed.] Dogs, have faces.

[majorcrotchgrab]

Cats as well.

[But there's something... stupidly endearing about these furballs]

[colonelcrotchgrab]

I hate cats, Ivan. You...

[colonelcrotchgrab]

[colonelcrotchgrab]

[Hngh. Another time! Volgin goes to work... shoving the tide inside the bathroom and simply shutting the door.]

Don't open it.

[majorcrotchgrab]

[THE BATHROOM, YEVGENY. THE BATHROOM.]

What if I have to use it?